the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
