Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
