i think my tv is drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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