I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
