um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
