can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
