Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
