I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
