she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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