apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
