he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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