theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
