maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
