The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
