She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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