new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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