i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
