so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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