I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
