the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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