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How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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