You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
