if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
