My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
