Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
