Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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