I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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