I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
