I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
