Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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