Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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