epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let's paint friendship bongs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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