So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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