I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
never play flip cup with pint glasses
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
