I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He passed out mid-signature
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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