I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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