my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
