I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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