omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
