I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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