I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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