you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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