If that was your dad, he is hot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God, I missed his penis.
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