wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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