Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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