All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
