Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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