I'm drive I can fine osifer
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
