Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
