Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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